Wish List Wednesday

Go ahead.
Try to tell me that's not badass.
ThinkGeek.com for $30.00





I used to hate Lady Gaga.
I think it's because I felt I was in competition with her.
Not really, of course.
But I know for a fact I am far weirder than her, I win no battles.
She just has all the money! LOOK AT THAT PIANO. Boy, do I dream big. Want.

Other wants:

• Finish Leviticus
• New pair of jeans
• They Might Be Giants CD

What are your Wishes for this Wednesday?
TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME! :D


I cut my hair and dyed it strawberry blond so it's closer to my natural hair color. I tried to take a cute picture of myself...but it wasn't working very well. This is as good as it gets:I know, you can't see the hair color, stop bitching already.
Just use your imagination for now.

Went to alpha again this week, it's getting better and better every time I go. I feel a little awkward, it feels like Jerry is closer to everyone at church than I am. So I feel kind of like...an outcast. And all my friendships at the church are almost 'surfacey' if you know what I mean. Kind of shallow. Alpha had a great message today, we talked about praying, how to pray, why we pray, pretty much the basics on praying. This whole alpha course has really opened my eyes...I didn't know I was missing out on so many basics about God!


Being honest and staying honest IS NOT EASY AT ALL. So not easy. Sometimes I'm scared to tell the truth. Terrified, actually. I keep telling myself, "It's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do." I have to repeat it over and over in my head like a mantra to keep me from spilling snaked lies out of my lips. I want to be a reliable person, a good Christian, I want to be trustworthy. So far, I'm going in the right direction, but it is painful. I didn't know I would be cast aside and judged for being truthful. But sometimes I am.

This picture is epic.
Can you guess which one is me?
I've always had a great sense of style.

"You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are"

Christina Perri

A black eye and coffee to go, please.

I party too hard.
I love it.
[[robertBFF has a girlfriend now!!]]

So I got effing plastered and decided to take out a closet door with my head. I'll tell you what, that closet door ain't got nothin on me! I took him OUT.

And now I have kind of a black eye. Sweeeeeeeet.

It was an interesting night, I should have put down that last shot of C-host instead of taking it, but seeing as I've been an emotional wreck the past week I was takin that shot for sure. I met some amazing people that night, but I probably wouldn't make it a habit of going over there regularly. The party scene can be a bit much for me....I get out of control. And you'd be able to tell if you looked at the closet door.

The next morning I woke up, got dressed, and went to the South Mountain Community Church. It was really nice, I went there last week and it was even better this week. The music is amazing and the message was really good. I almost cried though. The pastor was talking about being a true friend and not giving up on people. :(
It reminded me of Drina, how mad she probably is at me, how I don't know how to tell her I need her in my life, I desperately need my best friend. I wouldn't blame her if she gave up on me. I really honestly wouldn't.
The church is really fucking huge though, I'm not sure if I like that part. There are sooo many people there and I feel so out of place. At my old church, everyone knew everybody. At this one...well it's just so freaking big that you can't tell who is who! A nice girl named Emily walked up and introduced herself to me. That made me feel super good, I LOVE NICE PEOPLE.

After church, I went with Derek and his family out to eat. At the Cheesecake Factory. That place is waaaay expensive! I got a chicken bacon avocado sandwich because I loooove avocados. The waitress was named Courtney and she said I was the most upbeat and happy person she's talked to all day and I made her day. I am pretty upbeat and 'happy' a lot of the time. It's usually a front though. :( Strongsad.

How was your weekend?!
TELL ME STUFF, GUYS!
TTFN. ♥

In The Perfect World...

[[In the perfect world, I wouldn't hate myself.]]

In the perfect world, I would never lose my best friend. I'd have a job that I love. I'd have Mr. Right by my side. I'd have my own car and my own place. I'd feel like I deserve a relationship with God.

But unfortunately....

I'm just a giant FUCK UP. :D
Yup. I hate myself, what of it? There's a lot of people in this world that hate themselves for one reason or another. I'm not exactly sure how to 'love' myself when I've been hating myself for so long. For years and years.
My best friend pretty much hates me. I don't blame her, I'm kind of a fucked up person and I've made a lot of mistakes. Some of them being unforgivable in her eyes, I think.
Mr. Right...well let's not get into that. :(
I don't have a car because I have a fucking anxiety attack every time I get behind the wheel.
I don't have my own place because I don't have a job.
And I most definitely don't feel like I deserve to know God at all.