Stupid.

Want to know what I don't understand?
How I could pour my heart out in a letter like this...and get no reply.
It's a really old one. But I thought I'd post it anyways.


September 22, 2009

Okay I was an idiot,
And I read an old email you sent me.
STUPID, I KNOW!


What is it going to take for you to love me?
Do you know, you asked me that question once?
I thought i'd let you know that i have the answer to that question.
It would take me having several anxiety attacks, you rubbing my back helping me calm down when i went two days without my pill. It would take holding your hand at the movies, it would take me almost losing you once, and then really losing you the second time. It would take me being confused, and getting scared and pushing away from you, only to realize that i needed to be closer to you. It would take playing the question game in your shitty ass van while listening to Tegan and Sara. It would take walking through Liberty park in the rain, holding your hand, and having the best kiss of my life. It would take falling asleep in your arms, not wanting to be anywhere else but with you. It would take the kiss on my hand while we're driving. Or playing the lick face game. It would take our drunken conversations in a hotel room. It would take you texting me every morning asking me how i slept, even if i hadn't slept at all.
And now i'm stuck loving you, with what feels like no way to get over you.
So now i'm asking you, what you asked me.
What is it going to take for you to love me?
I fall in love with you more and more everyday.
I can't even explain what it is.
But I swear to God, and everything i believe in, that whatever i need to do to be yours, i will do it.
Anything. You name it.
I'll do anything for you.
And I can't believe that i finally know what True Love feels like, but i do.
I can't believe all those other guys i dated and thought i loved....it's no comparison to how i feel for you.
Even if there's just a small chance of you loving me...just the tiniest sliver....i would take it. And I'm so sorry. Fucking hell, i am SO sorry for all the hurt i put you through. I'm sorry for not knowing what i want, for confusing you, for being confused myself, for the lies i told, everything. And if i could make it right, i would in a heartbeat.
I just want one more chance....
I love you. And I know i will for always.
Forever Yours,
Becki



I'm such a romantic sissy la la.
With a silly heart.
♥
Being in love feels fucking fantastic.
Too bad I'm way too scared of it.