3:21 AM

I've had better days.
It's 3:21 am and my thoughts are flying through my brain at a rapid pace. Blogging in the middle of the night seems to help. It's what I've been doing since I was fifteen.

My day was going so well until I came home to find that my mom had gotten rid of King.
We got King last year in August. We'd adopted him because I was planning on giving him to my ex boyfriend for his birthday. Well, my ex didn't want him. Or me as it turned out. So me and King became pretty quick pals. He wasn't the smartest dog on the block. In fact, he was just plain dumb. :) But I thought he was adorable. He wasn't my favorite dog either, we all know Sparks is my girl. King got like super duper attached to my mom. He would follow her around the house every where and he hated it when she left the house without him.
Let me give you a little background info on my mom. She does not like animals, really. She doesn't like cats, fish, dogs, rodents....she just doesn't like animals. She is definitely not a fan, and she's always let us know that. Lucky for her (not haha), she was blessed with animal crazy children. :) Like me. Anyways, this past week she's been complaining about how he's always in the way, how dumb he is, how clingy he is..... I told her she was being heartless for even thinking about giving King away. I didn't think she would really do it. King was so attached to her! And he was so loyal to her.

I got home today and my dad said, "Becki, notice anything missing?"
I said, "Where's King?"
And then my mom says, "I got rid of him."
LIKE HE WAS A FUCKING PIECE OF OLD FURNITURE.
I was livid. I didn't let anyone know, but I was so god damn pissed.
King is a stupid, big, black dog. He's adorable. He was at the humane society for like four months when we adopted him.
Nobody really wants to adopt black dogs anymore, it's really depressing.
I know he's going to be there for a long time again.
It's bad enough that when we adopted him he had separation issues.
My mom can be so heartless.
I just hope she knows that if she ever tried to get rid of Sparks, there would seriously be hell to pay.
I'm not so mad anymore.
Just sad and irritated.
♥♥♥
Anyways.
I'm tired of my life becoming more and more complicated. I'm debating on becoming a hermit for awhile. At least when I was a hermit I knew what to expect.
I'm tired of my parents nagging me to get a job, go to school. I'm tired of them reminding me of how I disappoint them everyday because my dreams don't match up with theirs.
It hurts to feel like a loser and a failure.
I can't seem to get him out of my head. And I'm scared. For one thing, being hurt again is NOT an option for me. And hurting other people is also not an option either. So it's scary. Why am I so god damn scared of everything?
I imagine what I want my future to look like. We're living together, arguing over what TV show we want to watch because I eventually get sick of watching the cooking channel. Getting a kiss when I wake up in the morning, even if I have morning breath. Having a food fight in the kitchen. Brushing our teeth together and making faces in the mirror. Holding hands at the grocery store. I want it so bad I almost physically ache.
But...there's a large part of me that keeps reminding me that happiness is impossible and I should just stop trying.