I hate Mondays

I have this foreboding feeling that something terrible is going to happen.

The stress is giving me nightmare after nightmare. Even after only sleeping for an hour and a half, I awoke sweating and shaking. I didn't sleep so well last night. I woke up at about 8:30 this morning, made breakfast, and played some Zelda.

I'm on my third cup of tea, but nothing seems to help me feel better. Not even my over-sized hoodie and spider-man blanket. I can't help but think that I'm screwing everything up....even when nothing is my fault. I carry so much blame that it's crushing me, making my back ache.

I don't think I have very many real friends left. Robert's busy with his girlfriend, although I don't blame him with that one. He's just not...there very often. Adrianna hasn't talked to me in three days, Mike and Andy seem to just take advantage of me and I'm just tired. I'm tired of the parties every weekend, I'm tired of pleasing other people before myself every single fucking time.

I'm thinking about just turning in a new direction. Maybe start going to church again, going to bible study, going to school or finding work. Something to take my mind off the monsters that live in my sleep and the stresses while I'm awake.