I didn't know this project would be so hard. I feel like I've taken a bite out of something more than I can handle.
I didn't think about it before, but I can't research and ask questions and think and ponder, without first confronting my past and my personal feelings on true love.
That's the hard part.
Love is...so many things to me it's hard to know where to start.
I tasted it for the first time when I was sixteen. [[click here]] It was exciting, it was mysterious, it was beautiful. I fell in love with love itself. I didn't see the dark shadows love might hold, I didn't ask questions, I just loved. Back then, my love was more pure than it ever has been since.
After that experience, love is one big whirlwind for me. Memories float up from the bottom of my mind in a haunting manner, making me face the memories I pushed away. The dulled pain of heartbreak resurfaces when I start to remember.
The tears falling onto my shirt when I tell him to leave me alone forever.
Smiling when I hear a love song on the radio.
Time suspended in photographs of us.
The taste of the sweetest kiss on my lips.
The bedtime stories.
Waking up with a smile on my face.
Wishing he would call.
Drinking whiskey to dull the pain when he left.
The silly faces.
The adventures.
Love.
Is so many innumerable things.
I've made my share of mistakes, in the name of love. Were any of my experiences true love, though? My first love was as close as it gets, I think. I don't think I've experienced true love. If I'd experienced true love, I'd probably know it.
My great grandma had love at first sight. She saw my grandpa walk into the room, leaned over to the person sitting next to her and said, "I'm going to marry that man." And BAM she did. I'm a total believer in love at first sight. Nobody else does. That belief is almost dead. haha. It seems like I'm the biggest romantic on the planet. lol
I don't think its dead. That is exactly how I felt when I first saw my wife. We met at a roller skating rink. She happened to be there with her cousins (it was them who I first talked to). And I told them, I'm going to marry her. I knew she was the one. Never knew it until her. And the funny thing is that it wasn't until now, 2010 (this occured in 2002) that I discovered she felt the exact same way about me at first sight. About melted me to the floor! And to further complicate things? She was in a relationship (though not married). One thing is for sure. I didn't go to an old, broke-down mom-and-pop roller skating rink to find love. This love at first sight thing - I'm a believer, and so is my wife.
ReplyDeleteThat was and still is, the feelings I have for my wife. It's been going on for 29 years and as strong as ever. Hang tuff.
ReplyDeleteOh cookies! You're thoughts on love are just like mine! I do believe that there is never going to be a Love like your first... perhaps maybe you will someday find someone better.. but Never like your first.. I was with my first love for about 4 years and it was exciting, it was always an adventure.. sneaking out at 2am, going for walks and laughing.. having tickle fights, smoking by the riverbed at night telling stories.. but we both grew our seperate ways and grew up I guess, we had our fights and disagreements on things, but we still kept it cool... we still talk to this day and he is one of my best friends, we help each other out when we need to get something out of our mind... but he will always be my first love... It's gonna happen for you Becki <3 you seem to be a very passionate person.. you just have to find someone who can keep up with you. The rest don't matter anymore.
ReplyDeleteNothing will probably burn brighter than your first love...
ReplyDeleteNothing will be more satisfying and quiet as your true love.
The ever eternal burning candle of Real Love exists, and is expressed in many ways through all of us. Never stop believing in that!