Imaginary Pony

I had an imaginary pony growing up.
She was my imaginary friend.
I didn't really have friends in grade school.
So I always hung out with my pony on the steps of the school at recess.
I was actually jealous of the kids that got teased.
They at least weren't invisible.
Negative attention is better than no attention at all.
Nobody at school would notice if I just disappeared, and that's what made me sad the most.

Junior high was worse, at first.
I remember sitting at lunch by myself in seventh grade.
I would eat my food pretty fast, if I ate it at all. I didn't want people to really notice that I was a loner. So as soon as i was done eating my food, I would hurry to the library.
There, nobody cared if you had friends or not. The librarian would show me where the new books were. It was quiet. The other kids in the library didn't look at me like a loner. I was a fellow book lover.

I remember having my crush on the impossible boy in Jr high. He didn't know I existed. I so badly wanted at least one boy to like me. Even if it was the creepy boy that everyone hated. At least it would mean someone noticed me.

And last night. I sat there thinking about all this. About how I grew up being invisible for such a long time. It made me sad. I was so pathetic. And then I got mad.
But the phone rang.
And when I heard the voice on the other end I smiled.

It was the first time I'd ever heard his voice.
And it was the best thing I'd heard in a long time.
I felt even closer to him, suddenly he wasn't so far away anymore.
It was so natural for me.
Talking to him was like breathing.
I swear I could almost see him.
Wearing sweat pants and his hair all messed up.
Trying to keep the dog from licking his face.
We talked for so long.
Before hanging up the phone, he said words that made my heart leap.
How I was it. How I was the only thing he wanted.
<3

And now I'm so confused. I could fall for him. I'm sure of it. I could fall for him so easily.
But that is so dangerous.

And I feel time ticking away.
Anxious to see what will happen.
And the letters from Mr. Navy keep coming in.
So crazy for me.

and I'm just plain crazy....