His eyes went empty as I saw the blood pour from his neck.
I stood over him, my soul just as empty as his dead eyes.
The Other One cried out and ran forward to the body.
I watched with no emotion as The Other One tried to revive him.
The scarlet blood stained his hands.
Tears fell from The Other One's eyes.
I turned around and my hollow body proceeded out of the room.

↑Another dream.

JUST TO CLARIFY: My last blog, about Steven? Yeah. In case you were confused, that happened clear back in last October. So I definitely know he's a jackass now, don't worry. Haha.

I think I'm getting sick. AND I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT. Damn it. I've had a crazy couple of days. Been so stressed out and been doing a lot of thinking. What I long for, what I want is slowly becoming more clear. I want happiness, I want my dreams, I want to be swept away from here. Far away.

I love laughing, and I want to do it everyday.

I've been laughing often these past few days. :) It feels good. He thought he could read right into me. And he had a pretty good idea what goes on in my head. But he didn't know all of it. "Becki, I know you're just scared to get hurt again. You're scared that you will break his heart when you guys get together because you'll have a panic attack and break it off when things get serious." That is definitely true. That's only part of it though. I'm waiting for the butterflies. I'm waiting for when I can look in your eyes and feel that happiness again. He doesn't know about the death that surrounds my every day life. He doesn't know the horrifying pain I see right before I wake up.

I'm sure that made no sense to you. ANYWAYS, check this shit out!:

Last night's Utah Jazz game against Portland....INTENSE!!!

I'm not a huge basketball fan. Half the time I don't know what's going on, but I enjoy watching basketball just the same. :) I used to watch basketball with my dad when I was younger. He used to be more of a Jazz fan than he is now. My friend Jerry is one of the biggest Jazz fans I've ever met. Along with his family.
His family is so awesome.
Picture this: An old grandma, I'm guessing about 80 years old, on oxygen and has a cat on her lap. Do you know what grandma's been doing? She's been watching the jazz game yelling, "OH COME ON YOU DIP SHITS GET THE DAMN BALL AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT! WOOOO! WOOOOOOOO!"
That's how awesome his grandma is.
So I go over to Jerry's grandma's house to watch the game with everyone. Holy God. We were on the edge of our seats. The Jazz won Portland 93 to 89. And in the first half of the game, the Jazz were doing so terrible I thought the game was over. I thought, "That's it. We've lost. There's no way the Jazz can win now." But they turned it around and won. Boozer did the most badass shot ever. That's him screaming in triumph in the picture, by the way. :D

How have you been doing?