Grandma

I wasn't going to post this at first. I wrote it on May 11, 2009.
It felt too...I don't know. I just wasn't comfortable with posting it at the time.
But now I'm alright with sharing. :) I love my grandma.

Can I just say that i'm going to miss her a lot? It's true.

When I went to her house it didn't even feel real at first. I mean...she left all her stuff at her house. So she can't be gone! I've had a really emotionally draining day.

I know Bridget it taking it pretty hard too. She's the lovely girly in the picture.

My grandma...well she wasn't just your ordinary grandma. She was an astounding lady. She fought for life for about 4 months and she was quite the pickle to some of the nurses! I'll sure miss her fiery spirit, which she only showed on rare occasions. She was usually kind, gentle, and docile. God, and you could never get her to SIT DOWN! She was always up serving people, getting them water, making sure everyone was comfortable, doing the dishes.... We basically had to force her to let us help her.

Last Christmas Eve was tough on our family. Taking her into the hospital because she threw up everything she ate. After operating on a tumor in her head she was never the same. She kept calling Lizzie 'Gogia Brown' and Natalie 'Brunhilda'. I only visited her two or three times in January. My mom kept asking me to come with. But I just couldn't really handle it. I couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain, with her eyes glazed over. That wasn't my grandma. It was a totally different person to me.

I just want to sit around the kitchen table with her and have her teaching me how to draw while my grandpa makes fun of my laugh. I am glad that they're together now. Grandpa died just 11 months ago.

I took Grandma's death pretty well at first. But today has been so emotionally draining. I was snapping at everyone this morning and i had a panic attack. I couldn't really stop crying. No suprise there. I cry like crazy anyways. The services today were lovely, for a funeral i guess. I think everyone was just too sad, that's all. It was hard to see all the heartbreaks and tears. But I guess it just shows how great of a lady she was.