Becki Bible: March 2011

March 3, 2011
"I'm tired of these homos going through my trash!" -Robert's mom
"That kid is so gangster. Not. I better go teach him a thing or two." -Abi

March 8, 2011
I don't care who you are talking about, and I don't care if it's true or not. Don't fucking talk shit on my friends.

"Tomorrow's forecast: God reigns and the Son shines."

I've been dealing with so much negativity lately. Negative comments, negative words, some of them towards me and some of them directed elsewhere. Maybe I'm just being ultra sensitive today. Or whatever. But i'm really getting fucking sick of it. I'm tired of people acting like they are better than me.

March 10, 2011
"So I walk into Derek's house and I see his older brother vacuuming without a shirt on and he goes, 'Sup.' I think to myself, well i ain't gay or anything but I would even put out for him!" -RobertBFF
[hahahahaha]

Guy: Why is it so quiet over here?
Johnny: I have work tomorrow.
Me: I'm tired.
Derek: I'm jewish.

[[OHMG. HAHAHA.]]

"What if you looked over and I was just balls deep in this pizza?" -Me

Ben: We'll send my body to someone we hate.
Me: Who do we hate? Usher?

March 18, 2011
There was a spider when I got in the shower today. Chillin on the shower wall. I killed it.
Pervert spider.

March 20, 2011
Look up Paper Towels.

[[HAHA Hey friends come over I got paper towels]]

I hate small talk. So fucking much.

March 22, 2011
"Wanna hear something funny? STAY! SIT DOWN!" -Adrianna
"Wanna see how much gum I bought?!" -Adrianna

March 23, 2011
Me: Did you guys know I'm gangster now?!
Robert: You're packin more heat than a microwave!

March 27, 2011
"It's like a tuxedo on your vagina." -Me

March 29, 2011
I left my phone at home. So now I'm at alpha, worrying probably too much. Only because privacy is important to me. One time my dad decided to go through my phone a couple years ago. I was pissed. I just feel that I deserve privacey and when you violate my privacy I get offended. Blaaaaah!

Wish List Wednesday

I wish
I had friends that actually understood me.
And maybe even cared for me.

But wait, oh yeah, I remember now.
That's fucking impossible.

That's the thing about being me. No one fucking gets me. I'm so different that when I speak my mind or when I'm myself people get that look on their face like: What the fuck is this chick saying?
Two days ago, I was out bowling with friends.
I was having fun and being myself. Being myself means I was making silly faces, being loud, doing stupid dance moves whenever I got a strike (which was almost never) and I guess I shouldn't have been doing that. One of my friends said, "Oh my gosh. You're so weird. Just be normal. I like it when you're normal." Fuck. Really? Those words slapped me hard across the face. I sat down on the bench and had to bite my lip to keep the tears back.
Yesterday I went to alpha. I was super pumped for some spiritually uplifting lessons. But nope! I just left super confused. So I went over to Jerry's house to talk to him some more about the lesson. We ended up just hanging out for awhile which was chill. He started to talk about how he and Drina hang out all the time...which I already knew. She talks about him all the time. And I got jealous. She's my best friend, not yours. I started crying and Jerry let me cry on his shoulder while I pathetically bawled all over him because my friends don't seem to like me anymore. Except for maybe RobertBFF and I don't even know what he's been up to.

It's not like I'm a fucking psycho. I'm not a satanist, I don't worship Egyptian gods, I don't eat weird food combinations, hell I don't even talk different from other people.

I definitely act different though.

I'm not like everyone else.

I usually like being different.
Today, I just want to be fucking normal.

I'm slacking on the stalking....

♫ Oh, no one is watching now
Sing like you just might drown ♫



Hey dudes! I know, I know. I haven't been able to properly stalk everyone and leave comments and shit. I've been a busy bee. I apologize profusely.

I'm really frustrated that my photos aren't as amazing as I want them to be. Struggling photography artist? I guess you could call me that.

I had another attack of jealousy the other day. That perfect bitch with her perfect hair and perfect boobs. And all the guys were all starin at her like 'Daaayyyuuum'.

I was like:

Yup.

I hate perfect girls.

Just have one bad hair day, that's all I ask!

Things have been pretty crazy with RobertBFF lately...but I don't want to get into that right meow.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

TTFN♥

Gay Men And IHOP

Feature Friday.

Before story time. (:
I went on my photo shoot!!

Click here to see the rest on my photography on blogspot.

I came across a super awesome blog on tumblr.
He's kind of an asshole, but hilarious. I love it.

And if you're not following Daniel Jay, you should probably get on that right meow.

For all you photography lovers:


Jackie's Photography
(She's so great.)

So...in case you're wondering how lil ol' Becki is doing....well I'm doing okay. Could be better, but okay. My whole life is a giant mood swing and adjusting, just doesn't seem to be happening.
I started my prayer journal again, it's helping me feel a little more focused and more centered, thank you Jesus!

I'm really excited for March to be here. Things might actually start falling in place for me. :)
Okay enough about me...

STORYTIME:

So me and my crew.

Go to IHOP.

Which was probably a mistake at 2 in the morning.

We walk in, there's seven of us, and there is only ONE guy working at IHOP today. Taking tickets, orders, you know the drill. So he's kinda swamped and stressed out. His name is 'Lenny'. Anyways, he's taking care of some people and we're waiting to be seated, he calls over to us, "Sorry for the wait guys, I'll be right with you." RobertBFF goes, "Ah, nah man it's cool." And Lenny says, "Just a stressful night, ya know? I'm the only one working!"

Then my buddy Evan says, "Oh you're the only one I need!"

He's totally kidding because Evan is straight. (I think. That's what he claims, anyways.)

Then Lenny gives him 'the look'.

And I realize...oh my god our waiter is gay and Evan just hit on him. Oh fuuuuuuuuu....

This will be interesting.

Lenny goes, "Buddy, I wear this ring for a reason! Three years and going strong!"

Evan seems kind of speechless and just says, "Uuuh alright cool cool." He seems super surprised that he (jokingly?) hit on a waiter...and he happens to be gay. Lenny assures us all that he's just messing around and we're all seated, ready to order our drinks! :)

He's calling us girls 'sweetheart' and 'hun' and being super awesome of course. When he gets to Evan he says, "Oh and if you keep up the talk like that, you just might land yourself a date!" Everyone starts laughing and going, "Ooooooh lucky guy!"

When Evan is ordering his meal he asks, "Does sausage come with that?"

And Lenny gives him a flirty smile and I'm almost dying now.

Seriously, now I'm really starting to question Evan's sexual preference.

We may be a silly group of young people, but we're not downright cruel and would never make fun of someone. Including Evan.

Lenny walks off when we've all ordered and Robert leans over and says, "Wow that guy totally thinks we're gay now." Little did Robert know, APPARENTLY LENNY HAS PERFECT HEARING OR SOME SHIT! Lenny is not as far away as we thought and he goes, "What did you say?!" Robert's like, "Uuuuuh, nothing. Nothing. You gave us an extra straw, but it's okay we'll figure it out!"
But Lenny marches over and demands to know what Robert said. So Robert goes, "Oh I was just saying that you probably think we're gay or sumthin."
Lenny said, "Well, he started it!"
And Evan (who apparently can't keep his mouth shut) says, "I'll finish it, too. I'm very good at finishing things!"
Lenny just kind of stands there a second before rushing away to help more people and we are all cracking up, but at the same time I am soooo embarrassed. How did this get so out of control?! HOW?!
When Robert asks Lenny if he can get some butter, Robert tries to make a joke out of things. He says, "Yeah, I'm at a turning point in my life. I'm balding and I need butter."
Lenny: "I would say you're at a turning point in your life if you're straight but hitting on a gay waiter!"

Ooooooh SHIT! I can't believe this is happening!
When Lenny gets the butter and puts it on the table, Evan says, "Hey, I don't see a phone number with that butter."
[[Okay, seriously? Come on, Evan. There's no way that a straight guy would consistently hit on a gay waiter like six times. No freaking way. Evan just has to be gay.]]
Lenny: "Do you wanna keep pushing buttons?!"
Evan: "Only if they're the right ones!"

Seriously, by the time we left the restaurant I was mortified, dying, and laughing. It was...a hilarious experience that I never ever want to happen EVER AGAIN.

Judging Books and Judging Men

Wooooow. I have almost 30 followers. Kuuhraazy!
Thanks to

laineyxx
Bre
Twisted Fate
Linda

And a few others, sorry I didn't post all of you. I really dig these blogs, I just wanted to say thanks, guys. :)

Anyways, I promised I would tell you about the douche bag that turned out to be a non-douche bag, right? Here goes:

[[My party outfittt!!]]

So the night after the bowling alley adventure, RobertBFF and I are going to go to this party. This really awesome girl invited me because the party is a birthday party for her friend, and her friend is a suuuuper amazing photographer. Anyways. I'm super excited for this night to go down and I climb into the backseat of Preston's camero and RobertBFF is sitting shotgun. I'm excited. Super stoked. It's going to be a fun night. Then RobertBFF says,"Oh we have to go pick up Derek." Fuck. Really? That guy that hit on me and who was soooo freaking cocky? Wow. This is going to suck. To make matters worse, Preston goes,"Yeah, I'm sorry it'll be a tight squeeze in the backseat because my car is small. So Derek will probably be all up in your kool-aid." (They know Derek is totally digging me.) FAAAACK AGAIN. But I'm thinking, you know what? It's cool, it's only a twenty minute drive or so. So we go pick him up and when he climbs into the back of the camero I instantly get pissed at myself for thinking he looks good. Becki doesn't do relationships, Becki doesn't get crushes unless it's on the certain someone that I fell for awhile ago. (No, I don't feel like going into that subject right now.) So he gives me that stupid cocky grin and I want to punch him right in his Lakers Fan Face. He goes, "Hey, Mary Jane." I hate him even MORE now. No, my name is not Mary Jane, but anybody who is anybody knows that I'm fucking in love with spiderman. Like...it's a little ridiculous. Plus I have red hair. So he decides to call me Mary Jane which is super cute but at the same time super annoying. I just kind of give him that look that says, don't even try it, just get over yourself already.
We have to stop at the gas station because Preston is complaining that all he's eaten today is a jelly donut. Everyone but me gets out of the car. I'll stay right here, thanks. Now I don't even know if I want to drink tonight because Derek is here. Preston gets himself some food and when Derek climbs back into the car he's carrying a Rockstar and what looks like...wait a second you're fucking kidding me. Are those condoms?! And now I'm getting really ticked off inside. I just stare outside the window to ignore his flirtatious glances.
We pull up to the apartment and everyone is reeeaaaddy to party. Except me. I'm thinking I might just hang out with Alex, (she's a sweetheart) and ignore men forever and ever. I climb out of the car first and then Derek. When he gets out, one of the square packages falls out of his lap onto the pavement. I pretend I didn't see it so then I don't bring this situation into an awkward conversation. But Preston goes, "Hey dude, you gonna pick that up?" Derek goes, "Ah, no it's garbage." Wait. Garbage? Wtf? It's not like he used a condom in the car!! And I look on the ground and realize that it's some kind of protein shake powder or something of that effect. Of course, I scold myself. Those weren't condoms! I'm such a fucking idiot! I'm sooo glad I didn't say anything though. That would have been fucking beyond awkward. It's just a protein powder that he mixed with his rockstar. God damn it I'm an idiot.
Now, I'm not like bitchy or anything. I decide that I'm going to have a good night no matter what. And if Derek tries anything with me, I can always sock him in the face. Or have Robert regulate, or have Preston regulate. Or even Alex! I got friends that have my back! :)
We go inside, introductions to everyone is made...and the drinking commences.
I took a shot of Captain Morgan and felt like someone had straight up kicked me in the chest so I made sure I paced myself so I didn't end up stinking drunk on the bathroom floor. Derek isn't drinking, which I find to be weird. Why go to a party if you don't drink and you're not the designated driver? So I go, "Hey how come you're not drinking?" And he tells me something about how his liver is all fucked up so he can't drink very much. Fair enough. Still. I don't like the way he holds himself and the way he looks at people. Like he's better than them.
He asks me if I want to go outside and share a smoke with him and seeing as I forgot my cigarettes I agree. It's a lot quieter outside and a little chilly and I wrap myself in a blanket that's on the balcony couch, and make myself comfortable. He sits next to me, closer than I would like, but I don't say anything.
This is where the shocker comes.
It started with small talk, he told me what music he likes, what school he went to, and his work. I was teasing him for wearing a jacket that cost $80 because Lord knows I would never spend that much money on just a jacket. I can't figure out WHY someone would spend that much money on a piece of clothing, so I ask him and I get an answer I didn't expect at all.
His whole body language changed from cocky and assured of himself to embarrassed! He looked down at his feet for a second and when he made eye contact with me...I don't know it was weird. I realized the cocky thing was a front the whole time. He told me about his acceptance issues which I'm sure anyone can understand. I don't feel like going into details about his problems, not really my place. Being rejected isn't exactly a walk in the park, so of course I understand. The more we talked the more his cocky front started to crumble until the wall was almost completely gone. I realized that he's actually...a nice guy. How could I have been so quick to judge? I said horrible things about him! And he's nice!
"You know, you're really different, Becki. Seriously I have never met anyone like you before."
and he was looking at his feet again when he said this. People have told me this before, my personality is waaaay the fuck out there. I don't dress like anyone else, I don't act or sound like anyone else.... But for some reason having him say it made me feel more different than usual. Like I should be proud of how different I am.
I'm still dumbfounded at the fact that he's not a douche-aroonie. I was so sure that he was just like my exboyfriend. Totally cocky and wants me for sex. But I was beyond wrong. Hahaha it's kind of like pride and prejudice. Where she's like "Mr. Darcy is an asshole!" And then she sees who he really is and she's all, "Wow I was an idiot." That's how I feel right now!
So the party ended up going a lot better than I thought it would. I stayed up all night and watched the sunrise with Alex. I talked with Derek more and got to know him, I'm so relieved that he's not an asshole. RobertBFF got really trashed and passed out in the dog bed which made me laugh soooo hard. :D Haha!
So yeah.
Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Or men, for that matter.

Bowling Was A Bad Idea

So last night was pretty fun. For the most part. :)
Of course, I went and hung out with RobertBFF and a whole bunch of other people. Everyone decided to go bowling! Yaaaaaaaaaay not. I effing suck at bowling. So I tell them I'm just along for the ride.
That doesn't work at all because I guess they need one more person to bowl. So I reluctantly agree...even though I'm about to embarrass myself.
We're bowling and everything is going great. ((Except for the fact that I only got one strike ever and the rest of the time it was mostly gutter balls)) And RobertBFF decided to invite this guy from his work. I can tell just from one look. TOTAL DOUCHE-AROONIE. His name is Derrick and he thinks he's a gangster. Haha! Whuuutever.
So in between turns I was watching the phx vs Portland game [[rooting for the suns because i hate Portland]] and Derrick walks over.

"Do you even like basketball?"
"Uuuuh, I'm watching it, aren't I?"
"Oh cool. Who's your team?"
"The Utah Jazz, I root for the best."
And he goes, "Ooooooooh!"
And I know right away with a sneaking suspicion, "OHMYGOD. You're a lakers fan."
He says, "Only because of Kobe, he's awesome!"
I just about fucking lost it. "Kobe is a little bitch so you shut your whore mouth! Lakers suck!"

And the rest of the time while we were bowling he was trying sooo hard to impress me! Even RobertBFF was calling it. Robert says,

"Watch, he's going to get a strike, fix his shirt like a little girl, turn around and say something like a smart ass."

Sure enough, Derrick gets a strike, fixes his shirt, and says, "And that's how it's done!"

And I'm up to bowl. And most likely fail. I walk up and grab my eight pound ball and Derrick walks up (why can't he just give up?!) "If you want, I can teach you how to bowl. Watch me, this is how it's done, baby."

Me: "I'm not your baby."

Whatever. You're really not impressing me, just getting on my nerves. I mean seriously! Who is his mother?! And why did she not teach him how to treat a lady! You don't call a girl 'baby' the first day you talk to her! Don't you know there is wooing involved?! Has he never seen a chick flick in his life?! Then he tries to impress me more by telling me he's straight edge. Okay. Cool. Just so you know, you're fucking lame, dude! Straight edge for life? How many straight edge guys claim that, get tattoos and sell out a few years later? You're. Fucking. Lame.

Anyways, besides Derrick, it really wasn't too bad. Derrick's friend Clint was hella funny and even though he was flirty with me too....at least he wasn't being an idiot about it. And Preston was making me laugh so hard that I almost fell out of my chair. He was smashed off his ass and bowling grandma style and backwards for no apparent reason. It was a little embarrassing that I was even losing to Drunk Preston. Gaaaaah!

We should have done mini golf. I'm at least decent at that.

Quickie

We go together like salt and pepper. ♥

This is just going to be a quick post. Sorry to fool you with the tease of a title doods. There is nothing sexual to be read here!

Anyways. I'm really really fucking sick of guys right now. More like I'm sick of the way my brain is like 'OMG I ♥ MEN.' Kind of like when Drina and I went to Kohl's and we're shopping away when we hear over the intercom, "Men, please. Men." We just started laughing. Men, yes please! Haha but no seriously. I'm sick of my brain. So anyways I'm going to go hang out with my BFF Robert which you've probably seen pictures of him in my photography blog but I'm super nervous because he's probably going to hit on me. Again. *sigh* Sometimes best friends should just fucking stay best friends! I love Robert to death but good fucking God!

Oh and THEEEN, three days ago guess who randomly decides to email me. Mr. Navy. You guys probably don't remember him, he was the super nerdy boyfriend I had last January. Click here for more details. So a year ago. A YEAR. And yeah the email was fine and dandy, no harm done. He just wanted to talk and see how I was doing, but for some reason I feel like there's an ulterior motive there. Which is bad. Because men should not like me. I'm fucked up in the head and I'm the craziest person there is. Not to mention there's a certain someone I always seem to be talking to which is really really stupid of me but I can't help it because he's just so adorable. Gaaaaaaawd.

Oh aaand. Last night I had a really fucking crazy dream about zombies, so I will probably write a story about that. COMING SOON. Oh and I also have a lot of bitching to do about love so get prepared for that!

How are you all doing?

Hope you're not as sick as I am!

♥TTFN.

Drunk.

I never really know what i'm thinking when i'm drunk.

Because i usually just pass out.

I'm currently a little drunk.

So here goes.

He was AN ASSHOLE.

And in the middle of it all, i made fool of myelf in front of the guy i wanted to impress. WAY TO GO, BECKI. I wanted to make him think i was cute, dateable, and what not.

I ended up embarrassing myself, making it look like i would leave just to go make out with some guy. WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE AT ALL.

Sitting at Kyle's in his computer chair, wishing i would disappear.

I kissed a guy.

He was adorable, honestly.

He was nice, i found him easy to talk to, yet i can't seem to feel comfortable quite yet.

Normal?

I'm not sure.

I'm still a little drunk.

I'm back spacing a lot throughout this blog.

I really wish i wasn't such a loser.

Robert wants to be my best friend again. I about cried when he called me and told me. He's my best friend, he understands me and it just meant so much. I wouldn't trade anything for him. I'm so glad we're friends again.

Judist priest, i think it's time to pass out.

It's been real, peace!