I've been keeping a journal ever since I was seven years old. I have seven full diaries, and I never stop writing. I still have the very first journal I ever kept. When I read it, the words describe a normal, happy childhood.

I found myself searching the pages, and I don't know what for. I don't know what I expect to find in the uneven hand writing. A secret I'd forgotten, a sentence that shouldn't have been written...I don't know. Maybe I search for an answer. My mind is clouded and I can't remember being a child. I breathe in stale oxygen and try to retrieve rotten memories I've refused to remember. My mind has shut down and I come up empty handed. Why do I feel haunted by happy memories? Why can't I remember? Am I fishing in shark infested waters? Should I leave this book closed?

I need an answer. I need to know why I am the way I am. I need to know why there's an unwavering shadow on my heart.