It's getting colder and colder.
Winter is right on my heels.
I walk outside and get instant goosebumps,
the air smells like December.
I had a wonderful anxiety attack today.
When I say that it was wonderful I mean that sarcastically.
It was awful.
I zipped up my puffy coat all the way up, and burrowed into it.
'I can't go to work. I just can't.'
My heart was racing and I was sweating inside my nest of a coat.
Just thinking about work made me nauseated.
Too many bad experiences there to count.
We're all being laid off anyways, what's my boss gonna do, fire me?
Go right ahead.
FAAAAAAAAAAAACK.
It's getting colder and colder here too, I love December air <3
ReplyDeleteI still can't find a career for myself either Becki, I hate that I try to make everyone else happy when really I should be coping with myself to be happy. I had an anxiety attack a while ago, I agree it is terrible; my whole body got numb and I couldn't control my breathing. I hate my job, it makes me sick not being able to have control of my day. I love that we have many things in common, even if they're not the best ^_^ I hope you have a beautiful day.
Some days are like that.
ReplyDeleteLaurel and I so get the anxiety attacks! You ever tell your wife that Satan was gonna come take your soul to outer darkness and be hauled off to the hospital, to hear in your head demons screaming for you to let go of your body so they can crawl in and consume you.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to get that graphic, because it was a mind game that I eventually got to understand, and even later recognize it as my own thinking, and even later recognize that I had the right to change that thinking and pull myself out of hell into a really blessed life!
When I read your work, my sweet niece, I see me at your age, but no one on the outside that understood what I was going through. You have me on the outside, having walked these exact steps, having these exact fears and tremors, and having learned that I am in control, not them! It begins with loving yourself, and knowing you have worth to yourself. If you don't get past that insight, you aren't going to win. You are smart enough to get past that insight. Love yourself Becki! And as a treat today, know that I love you very much, even if I am a goofy uncle! :)