Two Hookers and an 8 Ball

"Hey, Becki you got a couple of texts," Dad says as he throws the phone at me.
I'm thinking maybe it's Sean or Mr. Florida. To my surprise it was the ex boyfriend. The one that decided to rip my heart out pretty much the day after my birthday. (If that last sentence sounded a little bitter it's probably because I am.) The gist of the text was that he missed me and he hated not talking to me and that he wanted to be friends.
Let's analyze this, shall we? Because that's what I fucking do! I analyze!
I'm not over him.
I'm obviously not over him if from just one text I'm thinking about him and worrying about him all over again. I honestly thought we were soul mates. That we would get married and have kids and everything. I loved him more than most people understand.
It's been over six months. I should be over him by now. But I'm not.
So how did I respond to the text, "Well of course we can be friends!"
Even though I probably should have told him my heart is still sore.
But honestly! I can't tell him that! "Oh hey I know it's been over six months and we hardly ever talk but I'm still in love with you so we can't talk. Sorry." Like really? That wouldn't work. He doesn't need to know about all the pain I have when I think about him, he doesn't need to know all the stupid heartbreak details. He's very happy with his girlfriend and we'll just leave it at that.

I'm very lucky. I met a great guy about 5 months after that whole relationship ended. And even though he's in boot camp, I still feel lucky that he has feelings for me. Feelings. FOR ME. For a girl that has crazy mood swings, can be emotionally unstable at times, is loud and obnoxious, and doesn't know what she wants. Can you say wow?!
But then we have Mr. Florida. Who also has feelings for me...but of course he's so far away from me. He's willing to fly me down there in March. But if I fly down to see him, does that mean I'm saying 'no' to Mr. Boot Camp? Do I have to choose one right now? Am I being selfish? Should I say no to BOTH of them? And become the lonely lady with a billion cats?

WHY THE FUCK DO ALL MY PROBLEMS INVOLVE MEN?! JESUS!

Anyways. Ready for some random thoughts now that I've got all that off my chest?
This:
↓↓

Have you ever had a drank?!

• I'm drinking one right now. Even though Dad might get mad cuz he loves them too. It's an anti energy drink. It makes you relaxed. And sleepy. :) I love them.
• I think I just got asked on a date. But I'm not sure.
• I've gone to every Young Single Adult activity in the past 2 weeks.
• System of a Down makes me want to scream like crazy and do a rain dance.
• I'm getting a free facial tomorrow!
• The young single adult activities make me feel weird sometimes because they're all great active mormons...and I'm the 'sinner' with a stained past.
• I gotta pee. But I hate peeing.
• I haven't been taking pictures as much. I've been unmotivated.
• My therapist is making me get a job even though I don't want to. (I know it'll be good for me.)
• For some reason I tend to steal the hearts of young men...and I really don't mean to!
• I sent 12 letters to Mr. Boot Camp today. :)
• That's ALL!

Smile more. You'd be surprised at the effect it has on the world around you.