I know what it's like

To be sick.
I know what it's like to feel ugly.
I know how it feels to hate being in my own skin.
I know how it feels having those demons inside of me.

I'm worried about a complete stranger.

I had some pretty bad nightmares last night.
Stress has returned and with it comes ulsters. :(
FACK.

It's so hard to be myself these days.

Understand for Hurt

I feel like Charli does in this picture.

I have a cold and a fever! Shit! I hate it!
And I guess the ex-boyfriend/still good friend/the guy I'm still hung up on/the one I'll always love....still wants to take me to the Black Dahlia Murder Concert in October. And I really wanna go I mean it's only one of my favorite bands for cry eye! But not only that I'm still totally head over heels for this guy even though we broke up almost two months ago! And I honestly don't give a SHIT what anyone says it won't change the fact that i still want him. I get lots of the comments that sound sort of like:

"Give it time to get over him, some things just weren't meant to be."
"If he didn't see you for how special you were, then he wasn't right for you."
"You guys were too young to be getting serious anyways."

First of all. How the hell would YOU know what's meant to be and what isn't?! And how do you know getting 'serious' was a dumb idea?! How do you know he's not right for me? I don't know any of the answers to those questions. All I know is I want him, and I'm in love with him. Want to know what would be nice to hear from someone?

"Hey Becki, if it will make you feel any better you can come over to my house, and throw tomatoes at my fence in frustration."
"Wanna scream at the top of your lungs with me? And then I'll hold you while you cry? Just a suggestion."

Those are the type of things i really wouldn't mind hearing. I don't need someone to try to understand the situation, or understand me, just understand that I'm hurting. It helps to pray a little bit. I don't do it as often as i should. It helps knowing that not everything is in my hands; not everything is up to me.

You guys are going to get really tired of hearing about my stupid broken heart. Next subject.

I probably won't have to have surgery! My lower back/butt is doing so much better! I can sit down and it doesn't hurt! Now I just need to get over this cold. It's pretty brutal. Any suggestions on how to feel better? I have a fever, headache, sore throat, coughing, runny nose, the works. I really want someone to make me chicken noodle soup, but i hate being a burden on people. BLAH!