Raining Again

I'm a little dysfunctional, don't you know?
Get a little emotional, don't you know?

I jumped today when my sister walked in the room to ask me a question. I was at the computer, looking guilty. I didn't want to be caught reading poetry. Here's the thing. I used to be a poetry hater. It was the worst thing about English class in high school. I'd throw the book on the desk and grumble, "This is fucking gay. I hate poetry." My problem is... I don't understand why they can't just say what they're trying to say.

Anyways. I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar today...reading poetry. Maybe I'm finally learning to like it. I mean, throughout this blog every now and then there's a little piece of a poem or something like that. Maybe I don't hate it as much as I like to say I do.

It's raining again. I could hear the droplets shriek onto the window pane and cry silently when they traced down the glass. Rain makes me depressed. I put in a CD. I'm listening to Tech N9ne, my favorite rap artist. I'm not much of a rap listener, but then again I'm not much of a poem reader or writer.

Days like this put me in a thoughtful, brooding mood. I crave an ice cold beer, in a glass so I don't have to taste the tin when I put a can to my lips. I also crave a cigarette but I've been doing so good at keeping from smoking, it'd be retarded to start up again. The dreams I've been having swirl around in my head, they won't leave me alone. I wake up feeling distant from the world, disconnected from everything and everyone.

Everyone is different.
Some people are strange.
Some are boring.
I seem to be a mixture of everything.

Rain

She's as deadly as each drag of her cigarette.
Cold sweats and warm hearts,
Won't keep her.
Alone in the cracks of the pavement,
Shadows creaking in the back of her mind,
Her icy grip snatches you.
And your thoughts never stray from her.



It didn't surprise me that it rained today. I wore my rain boots, but I couldn't keep the cold from getting to my feet. Or anywhere else for that matter.

When the weather gets gloomy like this I can't stop thinking. My mind tumbles and rolls, but it's never about anything good.

Today, I couldn't stop wondering why...why I see everything so differently. I act so differently. I even talk differently. It's like when you watch those shows about super heros and they complain, "I don't want to be different!"

Being different...I hate it. And I love it.
I love having my own ways of doing things.
I love my stupid personality no matter how fucking weird it is.
But here's the sad part.
I hate how it's hard for anyone to understand me.
I hate how hard it is to get all these nightmares out of my head.
I hate those dark corners in my mind that no one can understand.



And by the way.
This song is truly amazing.
Try not to cry when you watch the video.