Wish List Wednesday

Go ahead.
Try to tell me that's not badass.
ThinkGeek.com for $30.00





I used to hate Lady Gaga.
I think it's because I felt I was in competition with her.
Not really, of course.
But I know for a fact I am far weirder than her, I win no battles.
She just has all the money! LOOK AT THAT PIANO. Boy, do I dream big. Want.

Other wants:

• Finish Leviticus
• New pair of jeans
• They Might Be Giants CD

What are your Wishes for this Wednesday?
TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME! :D


I cut my hair and dyed it strawberry blond so it's closer to my natural hair color. I tried to take a cute picture of myself...but it wasn't working very well. This is as good as it gets:I know, you can't see the hair color, stop bitching already.
Just use your imagination for now.

Went to alpha again this week, it's getting better and better every time I go. I feel a little awkward, it feels like Jerry is closer to everyone at church than I am. So I feel kind of like...an outcast. And all my friendships at the church are almost 'surfacey' if you know what I mean. Kind of shallow. Alpha had a great message today, we talked about praying, how to pray, why we pray, pretty much the basics on praying. This whole alpha course has really opened my eyes...I didn't know I was missing out on so many basics about God!


Being honest and staying honest IS NOT EASY AT ALL. So not easy. Sometimes I'm scared to tell the truth. Terrified, actually. I keep telling myself, "It's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do." I have to repeat it over and over in my head like a mantra to keep me from spilling snaked lies out of my lips. I want to be a reliable person, a good Christian, I want to be trustworthy. So far, I'm going in the right direction, but it is painful. I didn't know I would be cast aside and judged for being truthful. But sometimes I am.

This picture is epic.
Can you guess which one is me?
I've always had a great sense of style.

"You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are"

Christina Perri

Born Againer?

Woah woah wee wah.
[[borat. haha.]]

So here I am. Waiting for JerBear to get off work so I can drag my ass over to Grandma's (also his grandma, I just barely decided that I'm adopting her as my new grandma since I don't have a grandma anymore) and clean her god damn house. She's moving to some new trailer park or whatever and she's excited that she has a porch to sit on. Haha. Oh, Grandma.

But do you wanna know what I really wanna do?
I want to dye my hair, paint my nails, and make myself feel a little prettier. I want to grab some coffee, smoke a cigarette and take some GOOD pictures. Not just the half assed ones I've been putting up with lately. But gueesss what. I got no inspiration. Nothin! Fuck.

And I have to quit smoking with JerBear and NathanBrain by July 1st cuz that's when they raise the prices for cigarettes. Ah, well. It's bad for me anyways. Hopefully if I get my job at subway I can start paying for hand soap and shampoo, because that's something someone always forgets to buy at the house. It really gets on my nerves when I get in the shower, I'm all wet and nakey, I grab the shampoo bottle and WHAT. THE. HELL. An empty shampoo bottle sitting in the shower?! Is that necessary?! Judas Priest!

I feel like if I don't let some of my creativity out, I'm going to absolutely explode.
Actually, I just feel generally insane lately.
Lately? I'm always insane. A dream about zombiez having a seminar. And yes, zombiez is spelled with a 'z' at the end. A dream about my little sister and I getting kidnapped by our fifth grade teacher. A dream about JerBear slicing off my legs with a knife and then peeling the skin off of my shoulder blades. These dreams. They're outta control, dude! I'm tired of waking up sweating and scared. I need to remember to take my medications more often.

um. how are you?!

Maybe you're wondering how I've been doing because the last blog I wrote...was not a very positive one. Then again, I'm a pretty depressed human being. haha.
Things are getting better. Guess what. I'm a 'born againer'.
Yup. I've found Jesus.
My best girl friend makes fun of me for it all the time because she tells me God isn't real and yadda yadda yadda. But he is real, thank you very much. I go to church every Sunday now, I have been going for about a month now. It's not the LDS church like my family goes to, it's the Oasis Vineyard Church. I'd never heard of it, but JerBear got me to start going and I love it. Even my family said that I seem happier since I've been going.

I just need to work on having a better attitude.

And I'm finally doing things for myself. :)
No longer for others.
For me.